Fabster speaks with his mouth full

#thankyousteve

2011-10-06T09:51:00.006+01:00

Were it not for the first time I laid my hands
on an Apple Macintosh computer in 1995
it's fair to say I wouldn't have gone on
to become a graphic designer & moved to London

Convincing my dad to get me my first computer
I remember fondly, the first time I brought home my 6200
it could do things PCs could never ever imagine
intuitively, effortlessly with such ease, it felt like magic even then

With my Macintosh through the years as I moved on
from the LC6300, 6400, 7300, 9600 to the G3, G4 Powerbook & G5
in turn, my imagination became translatable into reality
sometimes surprisingly, via the evolving tools I worked with

I do believe my work is only made possible with my tools
For this, and for being the first person to care passionately about
type kerning, leading, tracking & justification
Thank you Steve.

3/4 of 2011

2011-09-17T16:14:00.006+01:00

don't have much to say these days

art trail over

on a downer

as we enter the last quarter of the year

7th sejour in the hospital ticked off

pain slightly duller after 'double the dose'

according to pain management specialist

fingers crossed this sets me up

for vietnam and cambodia and thailand

in 4 weeks time

oh the dread

why did we book this trip so long ago

way before my spine troubles began

nearly 2 years

one must go or lose all that money

'it will be good for you' my gp says

as she prescribes me antidepressants

at low dosage, apparently

it works to numb the nerves and dull the pain

happy birthday to me

35 next week.

Distractions keep me going

2011-08-20T10:34:00.003+01:00

The busier I am the better
It keeps me from dwelling on my pain

Hence the art trail
not one, not two, but three exhibitions
woof, taking part & the poetry anthology

Plus the work I'm doing in my community
running the residents group
setting up a neighborhood watch
getting to know all my neighbours & our local politicians

Then there is work of course
the list of things to tick off
to do, to do, to do
by this week, by next week, by next month

In all this
I forgot that I am unable to sit at my desk for too long
bugger bollocks

Not dead

2011-08-08T19:10:00.002+01:00

Someone said to me the other day that I need to blog something or else everyone will think I've topped myself.
Fair enough.

I'm alive in case anyone wondered.

Surviving the Tottenham & Hackney riots around me as the helicopters circle above and sounds of siren race around. It does seem like we are under attack.

Anyway, on a lighter note, my local branch of Abbey Santander in Walthamstow has been smashed in. It did, after all, have one of the worst bank managers I've ever come across. Poetic justice then that his branch has been done over. Ha!

too too much

2011-03-09T09:04:00.002Z

Everything else has crumbled
around me day by day
from the depths of my spine it radiates outwards

It's all getting too much
as I look around
it feels my world is untenable

Damian & Toastie
the 2 things which keep me going
keep me smiling

more painkillers which do nothing
not even guise the pain now
as surgeons say to give it more time

how do i carry on
how do i end it
how do i turn the page

time?
its easy to say when its not your world
paralysed with pain

Teenage Dream

2011-02-18T09:58:00.013Z

There's not many things I care about blogging
politics is rotten to the core
global events fail to shock me anymore
the arts fail to inspire me much
my life grinds to a halt thanks to the shadow

I've started calling my crippling back pain the shadow
since it follows
wherever i go
nagging that no matter what I do or what I take
it is here to stay

But one thing I watched the other day on TV
that did make me smile
and shed a tear even
was this from Glee

It's not even that great
but it left within me a warm longing
of wishing my teenage years were different
that perhaps I'd gone to a fantasy school
where bullying didn't happen
and all boys equal

Had I seen this video when I was 12
and realised then, as I realise now
nothing was, and is, wrong with me
I would've saved myself 10 years
of self-loathing, shame, sadness and loneliness

I wish for other gay kids out there
to hold on to their teenage dream
it does get better
this, I promise, is true

Get away as soon as you can
make for yourself the life
you are meant to live
the love you are meant to find
and the joy that is there
with your name on it

2011-02-07T21:17:00.000Z

Is it still worth blogging?

To be a father one day

2010-11-15T14:00:00.007Z

Please do not for one second think you know me.

I am loving, supportive, caring
and have much love to give to a child some day.

My partner and I are both nurturing
and can be just as good a daddy as any.

My sexual orientation has nothing to do
with whether I make a good father.

After all, when was the last time you asked your parents
what they do in their bedroom?
I never have... and I can't imagine anyone else has either.

People of faith have no sound reason
to use their religion to stand above the law.

Dr Sheila Matthews' objection on gay adoption
isn't based on medical advice.
It is merely her minority opinion.

Does she know me?
How does she know I wouldn't make a good father?

You know, in my youth, I used to be a rather good Christian
until I realised too many of them
are one of the most judgemental & hurtful people around.

Testimony surely
is the fact we're our nephews' & nieces' favourite uncles
Poppy, Noah, Amber, Owen
they all love it so much
when they stay over with us.

Please do not for one second think you know me.

I would make a good dad.
Damian would make an amazing dad.
My dad too, knows we'd make good dads.

What else do I know for sure?
God would be ashamed of his flock today.

click here for one side of the hurtful story

click here for the other side of the coin

My body. Fail.

2010-10-13T11:35:00.002+01:00

Fed up

Pain

Like no other

All of this year

Up & down

Sometimes an ache

Other times an intense shooting pain

Enough to cry in bed

When will it end?

Will it ever end?

Freedom of religion does not exempt from freedom of criticism

2010-09-19T21:19:00.004+01:00

Thinking out loud

2010-08-17T10:41:00.004+01:00

1/5th of Pakistan is under water
the worst disaster as witnessed by the UN leader Ban Ki-moon

I can't quite help but wonder
if more of us would be touched or bothered

If those suffering, homeless and dying
were not of Islamic faith

Perhaps this is our chance
to give and show generosity

An opportunity to turn the people against
the Taliban and other extremisms

But somehow it seems
most of us in the West can't quite engage with this tragedy.

Better late than never, I guess

2010-06-28T20:10:00.002+01:00

quote of the day

2010-06-04T19:22:00.000+01:00

When I die, I want this on my tombstone:

"Better to be a spanner in the works
than a cog in the machine"

2010-06-01T14:36:00.000+01:00

Steven & Tiwonge

2010-05-30T09:24:00.003+01:00

Love has won

ok, we've done it

2010-05-28T11:38:00.007+01:00

7 days ago
we signed a symbolic piece of paper
of which many have fought
long and hard for decades and decades
so that we may enjoy
some semblance of equality

never forget
that far too many people
in far too many places around the world
are imprisoned, beaten or killed
because their notion of love transcends
some arbitrary boundary

let love win
because in the end
it is the one thing that remains a constant
and not for one minute ought we forget
we are indeed the fortunate few

7 sleeps

2010-05-14T19:10:00.002+01:00

This time next week.

Aren't we lucky?

This is what Labour have done in 13 years

2010-05-09T11:53:00.003+01:00

Minimum wage
Civil partnership
Foxhunting ban
Domestic violence laws
Longest period of economic growth
Peace in Northern Ireland
Surestart
Tax credit
Disability discrimination act
Reduced hospital waiting lists
80,000 more nurses
35,000 more doctors, including 5,300 extra family GPs
Overall crime is down 32% since 1997 according to independent statistics
14,000 more police officers on the streets, up 11% since 1997
A Safer Neighbourhood Team for every area in England & Wales
One million pensioners lifted out of poverty since 1997
Free bus travel nationwide for the over 60s
Free NHS prescriptions and eye sight tests for the over 60s
From 2009, everyone over 60 will have free access to local swimming pools
Free television licences for the over 75s
The tax-free Winter Fuel Payment to every pensioner household. Now worth £250 for the over 60s, or £400 for the over 80s
Our Climate Change Bill is the first of its kind anywhere in the world, and will legally commit the UK to reducing CO2 emissions by at least 60% by 2050
36,000 more teachers than in 1997
172,00 more classroom assistants
1,100 new schools built or old schools rebuilt
Funding per pupil has doubled since 1997
More university students receiving a non-repayable grant than at any other time in history
The lowest basic rate of income tax in 75 years
Fewer working days lost due to industrial action than under the previous government
Independence for the Bank of England to set interest rates and control inflation
The National Minimum Wage now guarantees an income for the low-paid. Since introduction it in 1999, we have increased it by 59%
Three million extra jobs created since 1997
Investment in railways now 2.5 times higher than in 1997
Child Poverty halved from 3.6 million in 1998 to 1.6 million
Child Benefit increased by 26% since 1997
Families with children now on average £,1800 a year better off - the poorest families are nearly £4,500 per year better off
Child Trust Funds introduced by Labour, to give children future financial security
Free milk, fruit and vegetables for schoolchildren and healthy school meals for all.
Paid maternity leave increased to 52 weeks
Paid paternity leave for the first time

And yet?
The public choose to punish them for it.

It's about the future

2010-05-05T20:04:00.004+01:00

And we are actually inventing our own politics.

Last day to go today.

Tomorrow, let's vote for a brighter day.

3 days : 18 days

2010-05-03T11:46:00.010+01:00

all the while
work builds up
whilst all i can do
is lay flat on my back
most hours of the day
waiting for respite
fucked, it seems is my useless back

frustration
at this sciatica
which stops me
from doing all that needs doing
and the things I said I'd do for people
fucked, goes my word

time is ticking
we have a ceremony
a lunch and an evening party
yet not much confirmed
with less than 3 weeks to go
fucked, goes our planning

stupid is the electorate
when by the end of the week
we'll likely find ourselves
under a Tory government
misguided by soundbites and murdoch's agenda
fucked, goes our democracy

as days become weeks become months
for sure
this is turning out to be
a spring of malcontent
fucked, quite seriously
is the only suitable adjective

Caught up

2010-04-23T09:32:00.003+01:00

I've not been blogging much
as of late
I've been caught up

Caught up with getting involved in my local elections
Caught up with trying to organise a wedding in May
Caught up with the planning of a September exhibition

Whilst waiting to see a physiotherapist
and getting an MRI scan
I've been signed off for 3 weeks
And now, another 2 weeks
with orders to not travel & to work from home

Have I not got the above to keep me
mentally occupied
by now for sure
I'd be clawing the walls
The spirit is willing but
the body, it fails me

With boredom and frustration
and the pain my slipped disc insists
on subjecting me to
Thank the heavens, is all I can say
for Co-Codamol & Diclofenac
2x four times a day.

May 21st it is then

2010-04-06T10:42:00.008+01:00

The date has been set
a private ceremony in the morning
followed by lunch in the village
and a house party in the evening

Suits have been bought
no turning back
I suppose

We're going down a route we said
we would avoid
in favour of a union but wholly against
the institution of marriage

I hope my slipped disc heals by then
or I would be forced
to start a new trend
hobbling down the aisle.

I want it and I don't care if it is £4700 damn it.

2010-03-31T21:10:00.001+01:00

31.03

2010-03-31T15:50:00.005+01:00

years pass
here we are once more
the morning i got the call to say
my father is gone
this time for good

i googled my old house
and with the satellite view
could see how large the tree has grown
the very same one I planted
fresh in the ground

days after the passing
i recall no tears
as i watered the tree for the first time
now as high as the house itself

every single plant, you see
i grew myself
the tallest one in the middle
in memory of my dad
stay peaceful
as the memories fade

_____________________________________

View the tree here:

View Larger Map

Fact of the Day III

2010-03-30T20:28:00.001+01:00

Facebook makes people stupid.

They say dumb things

and it stays on their wall for all to see

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Fact of the Day II

2010-03-30T17:11:00.000+01:00

Ricky Martin comes out.

Boring.

Fact of the Day

2010-03-30T12:58:00.003+01:00

Waltham Forest NCP parking administrators are absolute idiots.

They deserve to be on a low-wage.

Useless losers.

the personal : the impersonal

2010-03-23T10:06:00.005Z

in the same vein
as most things die out
the end of the month
brings it home to me

some personal friendships pass too
left behind as priorities shift
the personal gives way to the mass
if that, lucky to receive a text even

nothing remains constant
apart from a constant remaining
rather naive sometimes
expecting to be otherwise

I long to plant my garden with the colours I've missed
not long now
spring
so much ahead new

homework. dog ate it.

2010-03-16T19:21:00.004Z

Quote Du Jour

2010-03-10T16:44:00.002Z

Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious
~ Brendan Gill

bye bye cold, hello heat

2010-02-25T15:05:00.002Z

the suicide

2010-02-15T22:34:00.008Z

you suck all light and life
these deep dark months
when the days barely get bright

and the nights
well it's one long night isn't it
this damn winter

a genuine shock
i could feel vomit in my mouth
when i heard McQueen had killed himself

some people seem to have all in life
yet inside they must feel so helpless
so alone

they talk of his genius
and yes that he was
but a human he was too, insecure and pained

i keep thinking in my head
did no one see the signs
of a vulnerable man who was so venerated

like a long drawn out suicide
when will spring begin
for some of us, at least

Of Unacceptability

2010-02-07T10:40:00.012Z

Fly budget airline
like the rest of us
and who asked you
for your opinion anyway

You were a nazi member
and we thought you'd change
but clearly you and your lot
still hide behind institutional prejudice

You'll take my money anyway
but you won't take my existence
as I pay tax to pay for your trip here
knowing when here
you will insult me & my kind

In your face
and against your views
we are still getting married
so there
fuck right off Pope

Harriet Harman
backs down
as David Cameron
stays stum
when the Pope's words
cause real harm & hurt
in the lives of real people

Some believe in god
some don't
why force those who don't
to follow those who do?

Your views are medieval at best
& for you to pass judgment
on our country and its laws
Unacceptable

Bullied
by a man in a dress
Cowards
these politicians

Buying equality

2010-02-04T15:32:00.004Z

You know, we've turned some kind of a corner these days
when strategy briefs casually identify the
'25+ gay professional with high disposable income'
as a target audience
for its advertising and brand positioning.

The power of the pink pound.
Surreal.

gone

2010-02-02T14:36:00.004Z

of a friend
that has vanished
who knows how long

thinking of you
what you must go through
look after yourself

Week 4, 2010

2010-01-28T23:22:00.004Z

venice
it just is
too beautiful

will u marry me?
when?
how bout May?
ok then

romance
and clichés
oh why not

Week 3, 2010

2010-01-20T15:10:00.003Z

Luxor
Karnak
Valley of the Kings & Queens
Edfu
Esna
Kom Ombo
Philae
Aswan
the Nubian people
Abu Simbel
Walk like an Egyptian
look like a tourist
Camels at sunset
Learning Arabic in a village school
Running away from a crazy mob
Sleeping on coaches
Meeting new friends
Sailing on a felluca
Sunrise over the Nile
Intoxicated at the perfume palace
A week along the river Nile
my Habibi gone, too soon

Week 2, 2010

2010-01-08T20:22:00.002Z

A year ago today
she came home
to live with us

Then & now
what a difference
filled with joy and muddy paws

There is no psychiatrist in the world
like a puppy
licking your face

Week 1, 2010

2010-01-04T11:50:00.006Z

I'm not supposed to be back at work
until the 11th of Jan.
Needing to use up my holidays or lose them yet again.

I've had to change my holiday week
back in the office this week and off next week instead.
In order to complete some projects, tasks & deadlines
that should've been done before Christmas.

I sent an email out this morning
to let them know so they are aware.
Response?

Oh if you are here this week,
can you come to this meeting on Wednesday?
Can you do this tomorrow and also
see if you can do that before Friday?

Read the email... I'm trying to clear the backlog
not take on new stuff.
New year?
Same shit!

Resolution?
To learn to say 'No' better.

Merry Christmas friends, near & far

2009-12-23T10:06:00.001Z

British values triumph

2009-12-15T13:22:00.006Z

It's pretty simple,
if you don't want to do your job
don't do it then. Find another job.

Don't claim a conscience
then call it discrimination
when you've been disciplined
for not doing what is in your job spec.

Free to have a religion
Free to not like what you have to do
Free to get another job
But what you are my dear
is not free to discriminate based on your views.

So while Uganda prepares a law to kill gay people
we keep ours protected
knowing that registrars here
cannot pick & choose as they see fit.

By all means hate gays in your own house
but this is in your job spec
like a waitress
refusing to serve black people
it just isn't allowed anymore.

British values triumph

33 is what it is

2009-12-02T15:45:00.006Z

you know i didn't think that at 33
i would see so many people after people i know
getting married, having kids, settling down into adulthood

my cousins having kids, my school friends becoming parents
current and past colleagues
getting married and getting pregnant

baby pics on facebook, wedding pics on facebook
honeymoon pics on facebook
photo albums are so public these days

the path we have is the path we have now,
that's it... at 33
this is what we have become

all the opportunities we've had
the promise of the future when we were in school
and it's just this our daily everydayness
separate lives
connected via a website, each of us with our own walls
recording everything for posterity

i dont know if i have ever felt so distant from society,
an outsider looking in
people taking part in activities which i cannot partake
it feels very fake
yet must be real for those whose lives it is

such was why I left where I left
unable to contribute to the place
which didn't want me anyway

in frankness, i dont know if i should congratulate
or bitch slap the next person who tells me
they are having a child or sending me a wedding invite
you sold out, you've given in
where is the spirit that was you

what is there to be done?
they say Jesus died being 33
it is what it is...
no going back

i'm not quite ready as you can tell
my life, as it begins to click into place
with distant countries i have yet to explore
and much more to see
dead before you know it

i think of my dad when i think of this
i think of the time passing sat at my desk
as 2009 draws to a close
i think of someone i know who wants to scream
you know what?
so do i.

how can you not laugh?

2009-11-26T23:12:00.003Z

W: what & why?

2009-11-26T11:04:00.006Z

it seems right now
on facebook
with many of my friends
there is a host of wedding photos
of friends and their friends
of what they've all been getting up to

as we enter our 30s to mid 30s
the list of couples getting hitched
grows with each invite through the door
in these tough times
i can see how
we all want some security

the stag do
the hen night
the church
the dinner
the party
people staggering home at the end
is this what a wedding is?

what is the point
really
if it's about a love between two people
i comprehend
the beauty that is private
and indeed quite noble

if it's about showing off
look at my dress
look at the flowers
look at the church (even though you never attend it, if we're honest)
look at the dinner we've laid out for you
did you get the email about our online gift list?

am i jealous? i don't know
is it too institutional for me? yes
and what is my point here? dunno
do i want it myself even if i could have it? no
what do i want then? authenticity

wassup bro, bitch is in da house

2009-11-12T14:38:00.002Z

we're in this for the long haul

2009-11-04T15:05:00.007Z

sometimes it does feel like the minority suffer
the tyranny of the majority...

disappointing news this

maybe we're trying to bring about change at a pace most are unable to handle. homophobia here in the UK is on the up too, probably due to a renaissance in religious fervour, driven by a backlash as we gradually gain ground in equality.

the fight goes on i guess... it does not in anyway lessen the definition of our gay relationships and their validity, it just demonstrates how insecure the church believes in its own institutions - seemingly not having faith in its own faith, worried that if all gay men & women in the world got married, we could somehow collectively bring down the concept of marriage into a pile of crumbling dust.

if marriage is indeed such a fragile entity that the church worries about its collapse, they should just ban divorce. after all, it's not same sex marriage that threatens the concept of marriage,
it's divorce isn't it?

me and D are most likely getting a civil partnership in the new year. we've thought long & hard and realised that people are fighting so hard to gain us equality, that to not use these current laws we've won, is to risk losing them completely.

the catholic church has never been about love... this ongoing saga of religion against social equality demonstrates two things for me: that the institution of organised religion exists merely to control its population in how we think & act, and that the concept of marriage is a construct used to exert this control. lose the latter and the former worries about its absolute grip on society. otherwise, why would popes & priests really give a damn about who marries who?

it matters not, we're in this for the long haul.
we are humans too, each one of us longing for the same
of love, support, acceptance, fairness
we shall get there some day.

Thank you BBC

2009-11-04T12:26:00.005Z

There are so many reasons why
the United Kingdom beats America
any day any way

A song so beautiful as this
by Martha Wainwright
can only be aired here, on public tv

It's not in the charts
it won't ever be number one
but here, there is genuine room for diversity

about chess & the church

2009-10-28T13:15:00.001Z

The church want to move forward
on female bishops

But bishops can only move diagonally

Gay priests can go where they want
they are queens after all

about fairness

2009-10-27T13:02:00.001Z

It's democracy stupid

2009-10-22T20:43:00.007+01:00

The trouble with democracy is that
amongst voices there will always be
voices others don't like the sound of
and mouths who feel need taping shut.

Through the decades slowly but surely
the BNP won seats in local elections, one seat at a time.
And now amongst us
a voice in our midst, gathering volume.

It has been our hegemonic silence, a mainstream denial
our fault at not paying attention to their toxic potential.
That over a million people have somehow
voted them into our pluralist system.

And so tonight we are on the cusp of Nick Griffin
appearing all grown up on Question Time.
'As if he is a legitimate political leader' they scoff.
Legitimate enough pal, to have been voted democratically
is what we really should be worrying about.

Yes he is a racist who fancies himself in Hitler's shoes
who would sooner throw us all into the sea,
drown or swim back to where we came.
But it is this unchallenge from us
that has fed his flames of hate, amongst those
who feel a loss of entitlement.

What's this about stopping him
from appearing on a live political tv show?
Question Time is, after all, the name of the show.
Let's give the ugly man a hard time on stage tonight
challenge his equally ugly views.
With democracy, never censorship.

I'd like to think the public can deal with open debate
and anyway, who decides we need protection?
The first thing fascists do, after all
when they come into power
is remove our freedom of speech.

Cherish ours.
It is their number one enemy
the Achilles' heel
which can put the brakes on the BNP.

graphic designer vs client

2009-10-19T17:22:00.000+01:00

back

2009-10-05T19:06:00.004+01:00

back from hols.
could've been worse
but it wasn't.

1st day back at work.
could've been worse
but it wasn't.

i walked the puppy this evening
in the wet marshes
first time in 2 weeks

as the rush hour trains rolled by in the distance
packed full with commuters standing
wet, cold & probably already tired on a Monday evening

my life.
could be much worse
but you know what?
it isn't.

Abbey

2009-09-21T18:39:00.006+01:00

ME: Hi Abbey bank, I need to stop a transaction
for an online purchase as I think it is fraudulent.

ABBEY CALL CENTRE:
(In Indian accent)
Certainly Sir, I can help you.
You need to call 0845 520 bla bla bla
to speak to the fraud department.

ME: Ok thanks. Also I need to inform you as I am traveling.
Please can you put on your records not to block my card
in Spain for the next 2 weeks.

ABBEY CALL CENTRE:
Certainly Sir, I can help you also.
You need to call 0845 620 bla bla bla
to speak to the security department.

ME: So, what the fuck are you for?
*HANG UP*

my suitcase, it awaits

2009-09-09T12:09:00.004+01:00

Not much to speak of these days
though September is usually
a month we go away somewhere

I long to travel far and distant
to be lost again
amongst strangers who don't speak my language

Cambodia with W in March hopefully
India with F in May maybe
who knows what 2010 brings

I do know I need a break, now
Jujitsu yesterday showed how my body has enough
Leaving Toastie in the kennels does upset me

But the machine that is work
just carries on spinning
faster and faster I cannot keep up

There is Italy, though it's work
there is Spain, though it's a family wedding
there are 27.5 days leave to take and only 14 weeks to the year left

When thoughts keep me awake

2009-08-14T06:20:00.011+01:00

It's 6.30 am and I find myself unable to sleep
the paradox of America is keeping me awake
the more the thought spins in my head
the more I can't fathom why some of them are the way they are.

There rages an argument in the States right now
about healthcare reform, about the fear of losing
what some now have
which stops them from seeing
what they all could mutually have.
This blindness is nothing if not short-sighted selfishness.

Why this keeps me from sleep is beside the point.
When few things are black and white
there are two simple choices
when it comes to something as vital as healthcare:

There is one system that provides for those who can afford it
whilst those who can''t, go without
and are left aside in society.
That is the exclusive model there in America today.

There is another system where everyone pitches in regardless
of rich or poor, money into a pot
which helps those who can't afford it be part of society.
This is the inclusive model here in the UK today.

One lets the rich live longer
leaves the poor ill and neglected
and creates a wider rift between the haves and have-nots.

The other lets the rich live longer
lets the poor have access to healthcare
and in so doing, lessens the gap between the haves and have-nots.

The simple irony is this
we spend less and live longer
they spend more and die younger.
Money wasted which could go elsewhere.

Notably, the loudest and most aggressive opposition for sharing
what we could all have together
come from the Republicans
whom as we know, are sorta big on Jesus.

Their kind of Christianity
has nothing to do with being charitable
but on a selective Christian spirit
which suits them when they need it to.

If protecting what they already enjoy
and stopping others from having the same
means spreading lies about our National Health Service
then that is what they will do.

They have muddied the waters with distorted facts
forgetting with convenience thou shalt not lie.
Claiming that Stephen Hawking would be left to die
if America adopted a system like our NHS.

Except that Stephen Hawking pointed out himself
he has been on the NHS for forty years
and he is, in his own admission
pretty much still alive, thanks to it.

This is a long blog
because it's been a long night
it is far from me what happens over in America
thank god.
Yet this polluted form of Christianity repulses me with its hypocrisy.

On the very same day yesterday, on grounds of compassion
Scotland considers releasing
the Pan Am flight 103 bomber back to Libya.
He who in 1988
blew up a flight from Frankfurt to New York via Heathrow.
The man who murdered is now being killed by cancer
with few months left to live.

The Scots & Brits, in true understated spirit say
he has been locked up for 21 years
and since two wrongs don't make a right, let's send him home to die.
The Americans meanwhile
are shaking their fists and demand he dies behind bars.

Why are American Christians so un-Christian?
Spreading lies about one thing
unable to forgive about another.

Perhaps what is needed is to remind these scare mongers
who seem pretty scared themselves
that it's all about Jesus
and what he would do, were he here today.

Back to the healthcare row though
which thanks to it
I sit here with panda eyes
watching the daylight emerge

I am fortunate enough
to have free healthcare if I need it.
This means limping into a hospital with a broken leg
get fixed and walk out on crutches not having to pay a penny.

What's not to like about that?

I don't need god
to know how to be
charitable, fair and forgiving.
What I do need is sleep right now.

Let's simplify the argument
right down to the core question:
Republicans, why not ask yourself
what healthcare system would Jesus prefer?

2009-08-09T13:23:00.004+01:00

We went to a Hindu wedding last night
it was all the colour, smell and sound you can imagine

I ♥ how the middle-aged aunties in their bright sari
danced to disco bangra with abandon

which made me think about
all the other things I ♥ in my world

I ♥ watching the puppy sleep
as her furry tummy lifts and falls with each peaceful breath

I ♥ Gotan Project
and dream of the day we can do the Tango justice in its sensuality

I ♥ the back garden
when all the flowers are at their peak in August

There is Damian of course
I ♥ his anchor no matter what the stormy sea

I ♥ the thrill of learning new things on the dojo
when I finally get something right in Ju-Jitsu

On Bedford Square by the AA School of Architecture
I ♥ the constant surprise of their beautiful installations

and most of all, when the sun is out such as today
I ♥ lazy sunday afternoons where all is well in my world

This is an uncharacteristically nauseating entry I know
which is why, I'll end it here.

it's us that is toast

2009-07-27T19:57:00.004+01:00

naughty animal
licking her lips in the cage
locked
after stealing this morning's jam on toast

naughty animal
jumping up and down
at a woman walking
when we were in the forest

naughty animal
grabbed the box of paté
when my back was turned
as she ran off with it in her mouth

naughty naughty naughty
what have we got ourselves into
she wasn't allowed upstairs
now she loves our bed

this
after her eating our sofa
when i was in edinburgh
yes the white italian L-shaped sofa

still
how can you not forgive that face
when she gives u a kiss
then runs off with the keys that was in your hand
hahaha

2009-07-26T18:35:00.001+01:00

i dont know who they are
i dont know where this takes place
i do know that
all weddings should
be celebratory
just like this

it's alright then when you're fucking famous

2009-07-24T14:20:00.011+01:00

When you are Amy Winehouse & Steven Gerrard
the law does not apply
the same laws us mortals abide to
with their fame and their wealth
they fight in bars and thrown drunken punches
only for gullible juries to acquit

‘Fight was the last thing I wanted'
he says, yet the video clearly shows
the first one to throw a punch was him
because he did not like the music

His defence?
"I thought I was about to be attacked"
so he sensibly starts a fight
stupid me
i always thought to diffuse a situation
is to walk away

To top this nonsense off
the jury believes
as they line up afterwards
for an autograph outside

Perhaps a man like
England's football captain
isn't used to the word 'No'
lashing out in his universe

I'm not much for Phil Collins either
but to punch someone
because of the music being played in the bar?
Yay a role model for the next generation!

In the same day
in a different court house
Amy Winehouse appears
for pretty much the same act
punching a woman asking for a photo

Complicit is the media
more interested
in what she wears to court
than why she needs to attend

When does hero-worshipping cross the line
and we accept them and all they do
as gold

Because he can kick a ball
and she can hold a tune
we love them so much they clearly can't be guilty

We are losing the grip
on the boundaries of what
right is from wrong
somethings are just black & white
punching someone first a no-brainer

Flawed is our social fabric here
when jury & judge choose to believe
everyday pathetic excuses
for inexcusable acts of aggression

Steven Gerrard cleared of affray
Amy Winehouse cleared of attack
it's alright then when you're famous
your fans even come out to applaud
your moment of shame

When did stars become
the new god
that we absolve them
of any mortal responsibility for actions

Justice it can be said
is no longer blind
it's star-struck alright

it won't wait for you, you know

2009-07-14T20:34:00.003+01:00

my mother sometimes

actually, correction...

all of the time

really doesn't think

of anyone but herself

she should have quit 10 years ago

and has been given 3 chances since her cancer

is it any surprise it's back

when she defiantly smokes despite all advice

'i don't know if i want chemo'

she says

'i want to take sometime to think about it'

she says

sure, cause the cancer will wait for you to decide

budget cut

2009-07-11T20:18:00.012+01:00

stupid me got myself into this hole
always working late
weekend evenings too
and no one seeing this

so, it's not perhaps
what was said
but the manner in which
it was delivered
that has hurt a little

in these times i can accept
when some are losing their jobs
others put at risk as they await their fate
that it should be right
i get a new company car

i can take the good in the good times
accept the bad during the bad times
but a phone call would have been nice
and i would have been totally fine

so the budget has been cut
'a hello, sorry, hope you are ok with that'
would have made all the difference
than an impersonal email with 3 lines ending with
'kind regards'

dying, dying.... dead?

2009-06-15T20:30:00.004+01:00

I'm thinking of killing this blog
facebook & twitter has killed it anyway

No one really reads it besides
and a google search of my name
shockingly brings it up

BNP

2009-06-03T08:46:00.002+01:00

The more people tell us
not to vote
for the British National Party
the more I fear
people will

'Don't tell me how to vote"
Tell me why I should vote for you instead
Labour's strategy is going
to be slapped in it's face
for sure

a different kind of B

2009-05-27T17:38:00.005+01:00

increasingly its best to hide
behind the distractions of the puppy

the pup being much nicer
than the owner could ever be

i have been told i'm a bitch
how, when and why, unsubstantiated

i'm not so much hurt
in fact, i'm surprisingly not

just a curiosity
if they've looked in the mirror lately

2009-05-15T20:43:00.004+01:00

pre-ordered for monday's release
i count up 9 albums in my collection
which must make
'abnormally attracted to sin' her 10th

thank you tori
through the decades
simply put
you keep my head above water

haa haa and hee hee

2009-05-13T18:40:00.005+01:00

my moments of peculiar wit
do make me laugh
if no one else

today in the office
i said the following
then burst out laughing

"can you call Kall Kwik to get a quick quote Quentin"
no one seemed to get
why this made me laugh out loud

it's not clear why it made me laugh either
clearly though
they don't get me

2009-05-12T08:29:00.004+01:00

there is much going on
inside and out
of this bay window overlooking northcote road

on the box
in the wave that is obama optimism
gordon's face seems out of step
his misery is making us miserable now

turn the tide as half of the year is nearly up
lucky me
my job seems bedded in
but never say never as things change so fast

d is nearing the end of his 4 year uni stint
slow and steady i hope he wins the race
proof it's never too late
to start your life again

i can no longer talk to my mother
the hurting resurfacing each time
like a stain i don't want on my ironed shirt
she will never help herself

am i heartless or a realist
trapped in a corner you can only pick yourself up
and find your way through what life reveals
no one else can do this but you

this be the summer where things seem different
the puppy completing the circle for me
you can only do your best
knowing this is as good as it will get i guess

should this moment pass
i'll know early summer of 2009 was when
things clicked into place

the mountain ahead is just another mountain
like all mountains i've climbed behind me
no big deal

ctrl, alt, shift

2009-05-08T01:30:00.002+01:00

the world shrinks with each passing day
long lost friends and relatives
are now a few clicks of a button away

despite this revolution
we have lost the art
of talking & listening to one another

of enemies & neighbours from hell

2009-04-22T10:25:00.003+01:00

its good to talk to the enemy
while obama shakes hands with old ones
angering those with anger
it fills those of us who are hopeful
with hope
bombing does not help
alienating them neither

i had one come into our house yesterday
i invited him in to take a seat
i shook his hand too
hopefully their anti-social behaviour will stop now
he gave us his word
i thanked him politely

if you dont talk to your enemies
how else will they stop being enemies?

Susan Boyle

2009-04-17T15:17:00.005+01:00

Susan Boyle Stuns Crowd with Epic Singing - Watch more Funny Videos

Is Susan Boyle ugly
or is it us who are?
'judge' & 'book cover' spring to mind
a very important lesson learnt

how we have come to believe
that 'ugly' women can't dream
or have any talent
yet men as ugly as shit can be on our tvs

this be where we've been
on the wrong path
for some time now
unknowingly unchallenged

that appearances are everything
it's fine to prejudge
we're not even being discreet when we point
"look! she's a mong but she can sing!"

we'll love her for a while
before the mirror moves on
to something else
redeeming us from the shame we share

lubricated horse cock

2009-04-17T11:38:00.001+01:00

'in the loop' is quite simply
reason why the brits
do political satire best

freedom of expression
was invented
to produce immense joy like this

day off

2009-04-14T17:37:00.006+01:00

fabien would like to thank
the laundry woman who did his laundry
and folded everything immaculately

the gardener who cut back the hedge
then cut down the tree
revealing so much light

the puppy who made him laugh
when she retrieved the mail that came through the door
only to shred half of the bills

a day off truly
where i did not have to do anything
i did not want

the joy of text

2009-04-01T09:36:00.004+01:00

i sent a text yesterday
'today is dad's anniversary
just thought to let you know
in case you forget'

i received a text today
'i've been arrested'

the joy of text is such
that i can choose to ignore
the attention she seeks
on a day like today

no response
2 hours later another text
april fools day

dad

2009-03-31T20:12:00.005+01:00

in memory of him

a man i learned to love
late if not
better than never

i think of you still
if only one day a year
these days

you know
i learnt from you how to teach her tricks
you so would have loved Toastie

wtf

2009-03-24T15:46:00.003Z

I do not know what the fuck this is

but I have never laughed so hard

ever

in fact

to the point

I need a change of pants

c is for

2009-03-16T19:56:00.009Z

i count my blessings
when i work from home
on days when the sun comes out
and i can take the pup for a relaxing walk
in our own time
no rush

when the work i do
to a certain extent
is still fun & has its purpose
no one dies really
so there is no stress

then there are the sundays
for which i live for now
we have breakfast together
we take her for a long walk
in the parks and marshes we've discovered
along canals and in the forest
no worries

and as the soggy winter lifts
the excitement is tantalising
the sun on my face
finally spring

later in the year a new car arrives
later in the year we might go to sri lanka
later in the year D graduates
we might move somewhere
for now
there is much to be happy about

muddy paws and a wet nose
sunshine and fresh grass
being able to take my time
travelling only when i choose to

to know what contentment is
is to be very fortunate indeed

2009-02-24T09:39:00.004Z

she bursts on to our screens
crude and loud and a symbolic failing
of our education system and our broken homes

it took little to be honest
to hate all of which she said, did and represented
no less that ugly fame should make her famous

stupidity rewarded with millions
as the first big brother contestant to exploit the media
battling her way into all our consciousness

cover after cover
feature after feature
the more obscene her exploits
the more intrusive her presence

books
fragrances
a range of fitness dvds
magazine deals
her own tv show
her own vocabulary
as she introduced the word minger to all of us

and now she has little time left
as her cancer spreads
and her battle is near lost

i never thought i'd be saying this
i wish you well Jade Goody
life is a cunt
you played it well

red at the lights

2009-02-10T14:10:00.002Z

i bought pink roses today

from a woman that looked like you

i don't even like pink

but i know you do

and i miss you

vaticunt

2009-02-09T21:42:00.014Z

on christmas day he could have spoken
of light of hope of change
a new age with a new american president
a year in which we can work towards
saving hungry children and ending blood shed
where the economic meltdown is a chance for reflection
on what we value and cherish
on how greed is bad and charity is noble

on the day of jesus' birth instead he speaks of bare naked hate
condemning millions of everyday people like me as ruining civilisation
because our nature isn't to love the opposite gender
yes my love
such a threat to your institution built on control
but come on
on christmas day?

then we're surprised somehow
when pope ratzinger himself an ex-nazi member
goes and pardons a fellow kindred spirit who has denied the holocaust
now there is uproar and the pope
is having to retract
the excommunication of a nazi-sympathiser

sometimes i wonder what the world is coming to
which one is truly dividing the world in which we live today
as families up and down the world
sit down with their gay sons, brothers, fathers, uncles and dads for christmas dinner?
holy father? no thanks
my father loved me unconditionally

religion is the one thing that should have gone in the gas chambers
i believe in god
just not one
represented by a bitter queen in a white dress
whose anagram gives you 'tzar reign'

2009-02-04T19:49:00.004Z

there is gratitude in the little things

like being able to take
the puppy to work
and everyone loving her

there is gratitude in the bigger things

like obama capping
bankers greed
so taxpayers get their money back first

it may be the coldest winter we're experiencing

but there is hope
when the ice melts
growth, healing and balance will spring from our feet

A February Haiku

2009-02-02T13:29:00.003Z

Waking up
to a white world
plenty of time for a long walk

Life
it doesn't get
any better than this

For her
him and for me

Brrrrr....

2009-02-02T09:08:00.001Z

2009-01-29T12:58:00.005Z

Latest project completed
I am happy with this one
thanks to a good team
now that Miss Q has left
I can actually do my job

2009-01-28T11:44:00.003Z

she is one nosey little scamp
kaypoh this kaypoh that
every single little thing you do
she wants to stick her nose in it!

2009-01-23T17:00:00.003Z

6 months of work has drawn to a close
my choice to end it
in exploring the self

i have found a balance between humility & power
the need to accept acceptance
that chaos is the status quo

that some people are just like that and that's that
that some things in this world
are just like that and that's that too

in the meadow as i visualised
first my contemptiousness
then my glow

we walked talking in the woods
and i hold to heart what i have uncovered
the road now forks as she leaves me to carry on

thank you

2009-01-22T23:36:00.005Z

the world really is
becoming a better place
one day at a time

today we hear
Obama signed a document
closing down Guantanamo Bay

this is a momentous signal
righting the wrongs
and restoring humanity

no more

2009-01-19T23:52:00.006Z

8 long years
as we've seen the world become
a more dangerous place
a more violent place
a more exploited place

bye bye Bush
you know no shame
you were bad news from day one
you are bad news right up
to your very last 24 hours in the white house

a new leaf
as America stands tall
I hope the people learn from history
and never vote for an
incoherent incompetent spineless murderer again

from the worst possible excuse of a human being
to the most inspiring and hopeful
so tangible it cracks in the cold winter frost
as we wake up to change
we should all as a race
believe in

i have hope in Obama and his diplomacy
restoring peace in the middle east
giving people their dignity
safety and stability once more
treating people as people and not as strategy

no more neo-conservative distortions please
no more profits before people and planet
no more bare-faced deception
no more raping of the planet for America's gains
no more tears of parents holding their dead babies

please Obama, this I plead with you

2009-01-18T17:56:00.002Z

2009-01-16T22:04:00.003Z

i feel in a better place these days
how can one complain
with a bouncing pup full of happy love

the state of the world
in the back of my mind
as bad things happen around us every day

work has settled down
to a new routine with the creases ironed out
i find myself with a more meaningful role

we keep wanting more
whilst not taking stock
i look around and know

i feel in a better place these days

Hello Toastie

2009-01-11T19:51:00.004Z

A bouncing bundle of sniffing puppyness

Seen here travelling in the car on her way home

Woof!

Enough

2009-01-10T22:50:00.009Z

Timed for maximum effect before elections
a ceasefire ignored
831 palestinians dead
a quarter of them children.

In comparison 12 dead israelis
yet it plans to intensify
a new phase in these attacks
calling it a war to protect itself.

From what exactly?
a people who have nothing left
except rubble, dead schools
and blinding vengeful rage.

This is war crime
funded in part by our dear friend Bush
$19 billion in direct military aid
thank you very much

We've been here before many times
but never rocketing schools run by the UN
fire with fire makes the flames burn stronger and longer
stupid jews, can they not see this?

This has nothing to do with hamas
everything to do with bullying a people
to the edge of extinction
in the name of territorial expansionism

It already controls Gaza in more ways than one
it is an open-air prison where everyday access is restricted
the palestinian people subordinate to israeli soldiers
with little dignity and choice

Israel on the other hand has a choice
and it chose land over peace
Enough
It's time to boycott Israel.

woof!

2009-01-07T23:07:00.005Z

Meet the new pup
born on the 8th Nov 2008
an Airedale Terrier
coming home to us this Sunday

Woof woof woof!

010109

2009-01-01T13:18:00.002Z

what is it about the last night of the year
which gives people licence
to behave
like hoodlums and what not

ours was a quiet affair
dinner at some friends in wimbledon
champagne toast at midnight's stroke
then home in the car

the carnage on the way
ambulances and police cars
racing around blocked roads
while drunken sods fall over all over

yep you've guessed
i'm not a new year's eve person
its an over-rated pile of hung-over puke
Happy New Year everyone!

2008-12-24T11:51:00.004Z

Who knows what 09 will bring
in our lives and in the greater world out there
for sure we'll find little joys where we can
Merry Christmas everyone

Why I hate Mircosoft Word

2008-12-19T00:55:00.004Z

It wants to think for me when
I can think for myself just fine

I don't want a capital letter there
how dare you change it for me

My sentence structure is fine
so why is there a squiggly line underneath it

Yes spell-check
I prefer British spelling thank you

Not your American bastardisation
with your stupid z's in all the wrong places

In any case, never rely on spell-check
I used it once, it turned a client's name into a vegetable

______________________________________________________

I have a spelling chequer,
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marks four my revue,
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key an type a word,
And weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write,
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid,
It nose bee fore to long,
And eye can put the error rite,
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it,
I am shore your pleased two no,
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
My chequer tolled me sew.

Bye George

2008-12-15T22:07:00.012Z

Bush is hell bent
on fucking us all up the arse
during his remaining days

Sneaking through a host of last minute laws
to undermine Obama
laws which will take a long time
to reverse in the courts

Allowing coal companies to dump waste in valleys
the building of coal power stations near national parks
easing loaded and concealed gun laws
weakening women's rights by allowing a doctors' religion as grounds to refuse treatment
allowing truck drivers to drive for 11 hours without rest

All a big thank you
to the big businesses that have
funded and supported him these 8 long years
a president for the corporation
not for the people

All the while
grinning and waving
on his surprise farewell tour
of Iraq & Afghanistan

Such audacity
in the face of such betrayal
I too would throw a fucking shoe
at the cunt

"This is the farewell kiss, you dog
this is from the widows, the orphans
and those killed in Iraq
You are responsible for the death
of thousands of Iraqis"

He shouts impassioned, as he throws his shoes
first the left, then the right
at the monkey on stage
a beautifully done expression

Release Muntadar al-Zeidi
as this is the freedom promised
when Saddam's oppression was over-thrown
freedom of thought, expression and the freedom to criticise

In the meantime, enjoy the video
for a man whose brain works pretty slow
his reflex seem a touch too quick

these little steps in self-improvement

2008-12-15T13:52:00.005Z

9 months of training
3 times a week
over
in just 20 breathless minutes

hurrah
it's over and done with
now on to blue
for 2009

maybe who knows
purple even
by the time
the new year is out

damn you flu

2008-12-13T20:46:00.005Z

damn it i am sick
of being sick
over 2 weeks now
with this flu that has wiped me out

i went back to jujitsu today
thinking i could bounce back
and get going
in time for my grading tomorrow

i lasted 20 minutes
before needing to go home
take some tablets and bury myself
back under the duvet

this dreaded duvet
which i have been living in the past fortnight
a comfort and a curse
i just want to be well

tomorrow is the day
which i have worked so hard for
over 9 months counting
godamnit if i am to let this lurgy
stop me from getting my green belt

bye bye Q

2008-12-09T19:42:00.004Z

i picked my time, i gathered
what evidence i could since april
i met my boss at the right time, so it seems

i presented the facts, i explained
what's been happening over the past 8 months
i found her listening and nodding

3 weeks later, to the day
of our lovely lunch in mayfair
an announcement arrived today in an email

the woman
that has made my life hell at work
pushing me out of my role gradually
so gradual I didn't notice at first

who routinely cut me out
of projects i'm instrumental in
has resigned today
she leaves in the new year

in my time, in my way, i fought a small battle
not with hot headed confrontation
but with bidding my time
listing my bullet points
and sticking to the core issue

she leaves for a great job so good luck to her
and in no way i'm sure she leaves
because of me and my complaint
but i played this with tact, i believe

her leaving is no loss for me
hooray
is all i can say
hooray hooray hooray

opportunistic bastard

2008-12-05T11:35:00.001Z

one must marvel
at the body's opportunistic tendencies

6 days so far i have been weak and ill
fighting this infection

today i looked at myself in the mirror
the first time since i became bed bound

to discover 2 cold sores have decided to attack
while i am down